Frederick M. Hueston, PhD  

Stone Care Consultant 

It was one of those nice cool mornings here in Florida. When I say cool I mean around 60 degrees.        

I feel sorry for all my northern friends dealing with all that snow. It was so nice out that I decided to walk to the local greasy spoon for a cup of Jo, when my phone rang. 

“Darn,” I thought. “It’s 6 a.m. and my phone is ringing already!” There was a lady with a very high-pitched, perky voice on the other end, that made me think of a dame who would garner a lot of attention just walking down the street, like Jayne Mansfield in the opening of that movie The Girl Can’t Help It. Only you old folks will know about that one – LOL!

She told me that she owned a small retail clothing store with a marble floor that had been developing cracks. “Do you have any pics you can send me?” I asked. I like taking a look at pics of the problem in question – this way I can get an idea of what I will be seeing, plus it tells me what testing equipment, if any, I need to bring. 

“Sure,” she said, “I’ll email them to you as soon as I hang up.” 

I said, “Great, I’ll call you back once I have a chance to look at the pics, and I’ll set up a time for an inspection.” Just before she hung up it sounded like she was blowing me a kiss- but maybe that was just my over-active imagination.

I hung up and within a minute the pics starting coming though. The floor was a white Carrara marble, and the cracks were odd-looking. Now, I have seen a lot of cracked stone and cracks usually have a pattern. There is a science I have studied called crack dynamics. Through studying the pattern of the cracks one can determine how the cracks occurred. 

For example, cracks that run straight from tile to tile can be from bridging an expansion joint or a cold joint. Impact cracks will be isolated cracks. However, these cracks had a very unusual pattern. The cracks were all over the floor, zigzagging in a weird way. I had to see this in person to determine what was causing these cracks. I called her back and told her I would be over for an inspection that afternoon.

I must have drunk 10 cups of coffee while thinking and trying to figure out why those cracks were occurring. This was no common stone puzzle. I had to get over there and take a look.

I arrived at the store and as soon as I walked in this blonde, good-looking lady greeted me at the entrance. I kid you not, she was a dead ringer for Jayne Mansfield. She approached me and put out her hand for me to shake and said,  “You must be the stone detective.” 

I said yes, indeed, and started asking her all kinds of questions about the floor. Her answers didn’t help. I took out my acoustical impact tester (gold ball) to sound the floor to check for hollow or loose tile. Surprise – the floor was sound with no hollow spots or loose tiles. 

The next step would be to remove a tile and examine the substrate. My thoughts at this stage were that maybe the substrate had these same cracks and they were telegraphing through the tile. I told “Jayne” I needed to go get my tools out of the Woody and I would be right back. Of course I also asked her if I could remove a tile.

I got my tools and proceeded to remove one tile. To my amazement there were no cracks in the substrate or the setting bed. Now I felt really challenged. I sat there on a five gallon bucket for what seemed like an hour, but was more like 15 minutes, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jayne. She asked if I was OK. Boy, I must have been in a deep trance. 

“I’m just thinking,” I told her. 

“OK,” she said and smiled.  

I was so confused since I have never seen a failure like this, but I was also determined to find out. I gathered my tools and started walking out the door when all of sudden the floor and the walls started shaking. 

For a minute I thought we were having a small earthquake. What I heard next would tell me what was causing the cracks. Within seconds when the shaking started, I heard a train whistle. I ran outside and in the back of the building a train was going by. The tracks were only about 10 feet from the back of the store, and I hadn’t noticed! I had my answer, and another case was solved.

Unfortunately, I had to tell Jayne that there was not much she could do to prevent the cracks other than relocate the shop. She understood, and as I was walking away I was still hoping maybe she would actually blow a kiss to me, but instead I did my best Bogart and gave her a wink and a smile. That seemed to help, I guess. It made me feel better, anyway.

The Stone Detective is a fictional character created by Fred Hueston, written to be entertaining and educational. He has written over 33 books on stone and tile installations, fabrication and restoration and also serves as an expert for many legal cases across the world. You can send any email comments to him at fhueston@stoneforensics.com.